I have been gone. Obviously.
It seems like it has been forever.
The truth is, I have been really reluctant to show my face (well, you know, metaphorically) on this blog because it hasn't felt fun in a while.
It feels constricted.
It hasn't felt authentic.
I hate that word. Authentic. How can we be more our "authentic" selves? We can't. We just are them. And when we try to define ourselves by something outside of us, or when we try to craft and mold our lives to appear a certain way in order to be "our most authentic", we end up severing our cord to our own inner truth.
So then what do I mean when I say this hasn't felt authentic?
I mean that I've been putting on heirs.
I have been crafting my life and my writing and this blog to look and appear a certain way.
I fell prey to the idea that in order to be a veritable force in the wellness world, I had to conform to the Wellness Ideals.
Well, I am over perpetuating someone else's ideal.
I'm over preaching what I don't myself practice all of the time.
I'm over talking the talk that I don't myself walk.
And not because I don't believe, in many ways, the beneficial nature of what I have been preaching.
But it's not the whole picture.
And when you don't have the whole picture, sometimes this can lead to dangerous and misinformed territory aka unhealthy relationships to our food, our bodies and our lives.
I am not down with that.
I am down with creating a more vulnerable space to share with my fellow humans the things that most stir my soul. I am down with creating a shared, sacred corner of the web so that others may throw off their own cloaks of invisibility and show up, as they are, without pretense.
I am down with messiness.
I am down with fear.
I am down with emotional overwhelm.
I am down with sadness.
I am down with falling off the wagon, getting back on, imperfections, getting started, quitting, growth, introspection, laziness, productivity and everything in between.
I don't think that the best way to serve people is to show up as who we think we should be. I don't think that the best way to serve people is by serving up our own story as the way things are. I don't believe that the best way to serve people is by presenting them with another goal to reach or idol to worship or method to implement.
To me, the best way that I can serve people is to just keep on being me. Getting real. Showing up as my messy, imperfect self and saying, "Hey, guys. Listen…here I am with my real shit. I am working on loving myself more & treating myself with more kindness and compassion."
I am really not that interested in being a "coach" or a "guide"...or an expert.
I am more interested in connecting.
I am more interested in sharing.
I am much, much, much (infinitely!) more interested in just peeling back the layers. I don't want to create more separation and more boundaries by holding my truth back. Because, really, we can never connect that way.
So, I guess this is just kind of my way of saying hello again. In easing back into this crazy, weird thing called blogging & honoring my own values, my own desires, my own intentions.
If you have made it this far, I want to extend my deepest thanks to you. Not because you are reading my words but because you are giving me the chance to connect with you. This is my way and it's nice to have you here with me.
Until next time…